I ran to the window tears streaming down my face, to catch one last glimpse of him before he drove away. He was leaving for Haiti in faith knowing this is where God wanted him. I was staying, certain I was still needed here. He was leaving in faith that God would change my heart and I would follow. I was staying, certain I did not feel led to go. I was open to God changing my heart but my heart was so far from Haiti that I was certain, positively certain we would be living apart for the next several years.
Never did I expect God to work on my heart the way He did.
You will seek me and find me when you seek me with all your heart. ~ Jeremiah 29:13.
And yet God is God. With His mercies new every morning and His love and patience that never runs out. His unchanging word is truth and when we are obedient and when we are listening and when we are seeking we will find Him.
I decided to fast for lent. Immediately God honored my discipline and began to speak to my heart in many ways, day after day. Things became clearer to me, doors began to open, and my heart became broken for the people in this place that I had once convinced myself I would not be returning to.
I decided to fast for lent. Immediately God honored my discipline and began to speak to my heart in many ways, day after day. Things became clearer to me, doors began to open, and my heart became broken for the people in this place that I had once convinced myself I would not be returning to.
I was never not seeking Him during the difficult time in making this life changing, family shifting decision. I have no doubts there. I know where my heart was then and where my heart is now. And I fully believe God needed us to experience what we did for the two months we were apart, to prepare us for what is ahead. But there is something to be said when we deny ourselves daily of basic necessities to seek His will for our lives.
We are now together in Haiti.
Do I love it here? Not really if I'm being honest. It's hard to be in a place so unlike the one you've lived your whole life. But remember what I just said about denying ourselves daily to seek His will? I can get used to the heat and the traffic, the population and the pollution and there are beautiful things here and beautiful people that I've already become fond of.
We can choose to focus on the problems or negativity in our lives or we can focus on Jesus the author and perfecter of our faith.
I have made a conscience decision to focus on Christ here in Haiti. I am choosing to silence the beast of my flesh that wants to look at negative things. Each day will hold it's own challanges. It is up to me how I will respond.
